The Context

In the last four months Frank has been working his tail off. He’s got more to do. One of his managers was let go in a downsize. Two of his 10-person team were put on half-time — Frank had to fight for that. Management was going to let them go. He knew that would cost more than it would save. That was tough for him, it took a report, three management sessions during which they grilled him about his reasons. At the same time he was trying to keep those two people focused because the cat got out of the bag. They knew what might be coming.

The stress around the shop is quite high. People are questioning whether they’ll be around next week.

The Critical Incident

Every morning Frank and his wife and have breakfast together. They talk about stuff - both personally and professionally. They check in with each other about how they’re feeling going into the day. They deal with family gossip or issues. Basically they get connected so they can go out and do their day. they also do a check-in — about 9-10 minutes at the end of the end.

So, one morning they were chatting and Judy asks Frank about something that she needed him to do. Frank said,”I didn’t know about that.” She said, “Yeah, I told you about that two days ago. Don’t you remember?”

One part of Frank wanted to say, “You didn’t tell me that!” But he knew, really, that she probably had. Instead he mustered up what he thought might be the best response. “You’re right, I vaguely remember something but I forget, could you please go over it again?”

Note: Frank hates fessing up to these kinds of things. He loves how it usually turns out for the better.

Frank’s wife, being a kind, helpful person who loves him said, “Sure.” Which she proceeded to do.

When they were done and he was clear on what he needed to do, she said, “I have something more to say to you, are you willing to listen?” Frank replied, a little concerned, “Yes.”

She said, “I’ve noticed that in the last week or so you seem to be distracted. You’ve forgotten a few things that we have talked about.” That was it. She described her view. No blame. No animosity.

Then Frank realised she was bang on. He hasn’t been present with people. He has been very, very distracted.

So What’s This Got to Do With Frank’s Manager Role?

#1. By Frank having a healthy, intimate relationship with his wife, his stress level is significantly reduced at home and at work. He can enter into difficult situations in his workplace knowing that he is loved and appreciated. He will be less defensive and more empathic with his co-workers.

#2. Frank’s Emotional Intielligence is raised because

(a) He has increased self-awareness as a result of his conversations with his wife;

(b) Frank will be able to self-manage his emotions into productive conversations with his colleagues;

(c) He will have increased his communication skills.

Self-Awareness the first ingredient if building Emotional Intelligence: Frank noticed in the last few weeks that people have been getting annoyed at him. He has been puzzled because they have had good relations in the past.

Self-Awareness #2: But then it dawned on him. He hasn’t been listening to them. He has been so busy trying to do everything cheaper, faster, now! He has not been taking in what they have been saying.

Insight #3: Then a bigger “thwack on the side of Frank’s head.” His top guy that he works very closely with, last week, during a conversation, looked at Frank with a very puzzled look on his face. Frank remembered that he wasn’t really understanding what George was saying. Frank was faking it. He was pretending that he did “get it.” George knew that he wasn’t.

All of these awaresses allowed Frank to use his high Emotional intelligence to deal with a simmering problem at work. Without sel-awareness a manager cannot use the next step into emotional intelligence - self-managing to increase performance.

Self-Management Action #1: So the first thing Frank did when he got to the plant was go to his work space and say, “George, do you have about 10 minutes? I need to talk to you about what’s going on wih me.” George said, “Sure”

Communication Skill - Emotional Intelligence Skill #4 - Demonstrated: Long story short. Frank told George about his being distracted and that he is having a hard time keeping up with everything and everyone. Frank asked George if he would help him by letting Frank know, right away, if he thinks Frank is not paying attention to him. George said, “Sure, no problem.” Frank left George’s office both embarassed and relieved.

Then Frank called his team together and told them the same thing. Frank asked them for their help. Of course they used the opportunity to jab him a bit, in good humour. They developed more respect for him for sharing his dilemma and asking for help.

Again. George left that meeting feeling a bit “sheepish” but with a sense of relief. He no longer has to carry the ball and block at the same time. He is part of a team. George is not the team.

Finally. George has a really hard time doing these things.

Managers modeling a high level of emotional intelligence results in emotional intelligence being increased in their co-workers.

Business results? Higher satisfaction, engagement, alignment and productive performance for everyone.

What do you think about what George did? Make sense? Sound familiar?

Human Principle #2.7: We work best as a team when we:

* Increase our emotional intelligence competencies;
* Are aligned with our personal and business values; and…
* Choose to communicate clearly.